HoneyLinkers
Sitting at your desk with a lukewarm coffee, staring at a screen that seems to be blurring slightly, is a feeling most parents know well. But when there is a new dynamic at home, work can feel like a distant planet. You want to do a good job. You take pride in your career. Yet, your brain is split. Half of it is worrying about the quarterly report, and the other half is wondering if everyone is okay back at the house.
This isn’t about achieving a perfect balance. That concept is often a myth. It is about finding a way to keep all the plates spinning without crashing from exhaustion.
Be Upfront with Your Boss
You might feel the urge to keep your head down and pretend business is proceeding as usual. Don’t. Silence usually leads to stress. It is far better to speak to your manager before you drop a ball than after. You don’t need to share every intimate detail of your home life, but giving them the context helps.
If you are a foster carer, looking after one child, or even fostering siblings, then this is crucial. You have a layer of complexity that other parents might not face like mandatory training, visits from social workers, or meetings about birth family contact. These things aren’t optional. Tell your team what is going on. Most people are decent; they want to support you. If you say, “I need flexibility on Thursday mornings for a meeting,” they can usually work with that. Clarity creates trust.
The Off Switch
Technology keeps us tethered to the office, but you have to sever that connection when the day is done. This is vital for your own sanity, but even more so for the children. A foster child, specifically, is often hyper-aware of their environment. If you are physically in the room but mentally scrolling through emails on your phone, they notice. They might interpret that distraction as rejection.
Try to create a hard boundary. When you close the laptop, you are done. Put your phone in a drawer for an hour. Change out of your work clothes. It sounds small, but it signals to your brain and to the kids, that you have shifted gears. You are fully theirs for the evening. The emails will still be there tomorrow morning.
Roll with the Punches
Some days, the plan will work. You will hit your deadlines and get a healthy dinner on the table. Other days, the car won’t start, the school will ring, or a child will need emotional support that takes priority over everything else.
Please, be kind to yourself when this happens. Rigidity is the enemy here. If you are fostering, you are dealing with trauma and uncertainty; you cannot schedule those things into a calendar. If you miss a meeting or have to ask for an extension, the world will not end. Apologise, fix it, and move on.
Important to Remember
You are taking on a massive task. Whether you are raising your own children or providing a safe harbour for someone else’s, you are doing something profound. It is messy and tiring, but you are managing it. Take a breath. You are doing just fine.
